A few weeks ago my wife and I celebrated six wonderful months of marriage. It has been great. There is something to be said about spending everyday with your best friend. And just like any other relationship, there are always those moments of frustration and disappointment. People told us that marriage was hard, but we thought it would be different for us. I think I can safely say, we were wrong.
Let me share with you why…
Everyone has a set of expectations. It doesn’t matter how much you believe you don’t have expectations you do. We have expectations in every relationship, and every job we start–we have expectations in everything we do. My wife and I went to premarital counseling. We have excellent communication and talked openly about all aspects of life.
The wedding came and went. The honeymoon was great. We came home and two weeks later we launched our new church. Life started getting very busy very fast, and it seemed that at least once a day an expectation that I had of Katie got squeezed out. They appeared from nowhere. I remember telling myself that we had talked about all of our expectations. I didn’t know what was happening. When these “new” expectations weren’t being met, it added stress to our life. I took it out on Katie. It wasn’t fair, but I didn’t even know what was happening.
After a while, I realized what it all boiled down too, where the stress and frustration was coming from–I am selfish.
I was thinking of myself, rather than Katie’s. I wanted her to do everything I wanted to do. I wanted her to do things the way I was accustomed to doing. I was being unfair by placing these expectations on her. The worst part is I didn’t even know that I was being selfish. It always takes me some time to realize why I am frustrated or why I walk through the door and unleash frustrations on her.
Paul writes in Ephesians 5:25 these words “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Wow. I have read those words before, but never as a married man. Loving someone who is different is hard, it is challenging, especially when we read it with our names in it–“Matt, love Katie, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
I am so glad and thankful that Jesus didn’t get selfish and give up on us. He gave us the perfect example of loving someone unconditionally, with no exception and with no expectations.
I challenge each of us to keep pursuing your spouse. Set expectations aside and love them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
con·fes·sions 